People judge other people . We're fine with that . Everyone have their dissatifaction but when your family judges you , that's when the worst part come . Your siblings , sister , brother or your father or your cousin or maybe your relatives , aunt , uncle , grandmother , grandfather judges you , it hurts but it hurt the most when your mother is the one that judges you , compare you with someone else . Yes , your mother . We respect her , we love her , we obey her , we did everything she ask us to do but sometimes , we can't help ourselves to talk back , to disobey and to hurt her .
I'm a 17-year old teenager , who is currently growing up . This year , I will be taking SPM . I'm not a genius and I'm not a diligent person . I'm lazy and loves to play around . To tell you the truth , I'm tired . I'm tired of being compared to others and being judges especially by my mother . I know I'm not like the others who is a genius , get straight-A's , knows how to handle time , good in studying but I'm not sitting around and do nothing you know . I don't like being judge . Being judge hurts . It hurt a lot . Saying that , our neighbours daughter is clever , nice , diligent , know how to spend time and althought she didn't goes to tuition , she still manages to get straight A's in UPSR , PMR and all those exams . She was born with that gift okay . She's lucky .
Okay , here's the thing : Dear mom , I'm not a born genius . I'm not a good daughter . I've always disobey your orders . Fighting with you in a high-tone voice . Didn't help you with the housechores . Being lazy every-single-day . Dissapointing you . Keeping secret . Doing bad things behind your back . Lying . Ignores you . Even if I have all those disadvantageous , I'm trying hard to change . But please , stop judging me . It hurts so damn much . Why can't you believe in my potential ? People makes mistake . If I failed , it's not the end of the world . You always said : ' why can't you be like . . . ? , she know how to handle times , study hard , hang-out with all the clever people , doing a study groups . . . ' why can you be like . . . , she goes to 'asrama' . . . ' she goes to tahfiz ' . . . ' she got straight A's , now studying overseas '.... 'she got good grades , she's now in Mesir , studying , applying for jobs . . . ' WHY CAN'T YOU BE LIKE HER ' .. .
The fact is that , I CAN'T . I'M ME , I'M NOT THEM . I CAN'T BE SOMEONE WHO I'M NOT . I CAN'T . STOP JUDGING ME ! PLEASE . . . IT HURTS . I KNOW THEY BETTER THAN ME , BUT I'M TRYING HARD TOO . YES , I AM ! AND I WILL . . PLEASE BELIEVE IN ME . SPM RESULT'S , IT'S NOT THE END . UNCLE SAID SO . SPM IS JUST THE BEGINNING . EVEN IF WE DIDN'T GET STRAIGHT A'S , WE SHOULDN'T GIVE UP . IF WE GIVE UP , THAT SHOW HOW WE ARE JUST A PLAIN LOSER . ACTUALLY , HUMANS ARE THE ONE THAT MAKE SUPER HUGE DEAL ABOUT OUR SPM RESULTS . ALLAH DIDN'T SEE ALL THAT . IT'S NOT LIKE THAT . IT'S ABOUT STRENGTH . WE HAVE TO STAY STRONG . THE STRENGTH THAT ACTUALLY LEAD YOU TO WHERE YOU ARE .
SO MOM , PLEASE TRUST ME . I WILL DO GOOD . I WILL TRY . I WILL . I CAN'T PROMISE YOU BECAUSE I MIGHT BREAK THE PROMISE BUT TRUST ME . . . I WILL TRY HARD .. PLEASE BELIEVE IN MY STRENGTH ..
Uncle said that before we start doing anything , we should start with a 'DOA' , then our effort . It's the most appropriate way :)
Sincerely ,
Maryam
